Merry F***ing Christmas

Kristiana: Santa, I've been texting u like mad, yet have received no reply. I haven't been bad, so I keep trying 2 figure out why?

Santa: Kristiana, my dear, remember I see all, the great things you've done & the bad no matter how small, I must remind u that even when there's no light, I can still see the naughty things u do in the night, & you've been naughty. SMH.

Kristiana: WTF?!!

Kristiana: Santa, dear Santa, don't u think ur out of line? The stuff I do at night is my business, yes mine! Isn't there an age limit to ur evening viewing? There should b bcuz u don't need to see what adults r doing!

Santa: Kristiana, my dear, ur response says a lot. Ur defensive reply shows that good, you are NOT! Needless to say, u r not getting gifts. And I don't really care to hear if u r miffed.

Kristiana: Santa, rethink ur course of action. U better care about my satisfaction. U rn't the only 1 with the power of sight. I know the naughty things U'VE been doin’ at nite.

Santa: Kristiana, U don't possess magical powers like me. Even if u did there's nothin 2 c. I'm St. Nick, & above reproach. There's nothin about my behavior u need 2 broach. Nothin u say'll make me fear u. Watch out, or u won't get anything next year 2.

Kristiana: Santa, you really don't want to f**k with me, I have no qualms about calling you out you see. Don't think that I don't know, the REAL reason you say, "Ho Ho Ho!" You should be on top of the naughty list. Who are you to judge after all the women you've kissed? And not just on the lips. You've kissed your fair share of breasts, legs, and hips. And no, I am not talking about chicken. Those weren't only Mrs. Claus' parts you've been lickin'...

Santa: Kristiana, you have no proof. I'm Santa Claus, nobody would believe the truth. I tried to tell you to quit while you were ahead. On Christmas day don't even bother to get out of bed. There will definitely be nothing under the tree for you. And if you keep up with the slander I will definitely sue. So silence is what you should definitely choose. A fight with me is one you'll lose...

Kristiana: Santa, you should know me better than that. You know I don't shrink from getting down on the mat. Go ahead and don't leave me anything under the tree. And you will find out how sorry you'll be. I am not one of those silly chicks you can trick. I have the skinny on you and your d**k. You shoulda known one day it would catch up to you. Your little racket is definitely through. I love how small cameras are now. You can take all kinds of pictures that leave no room to disavow.

Santa: Prove it.

Kristiana: Sending...

(After about 10 minutes)

Santa: Kristiana, I was only joking around with you before. I'll give you what you want plus much much more. So, what was it you said that you'd like? A watch, a ring, a car, a motorbike? You can have whatever you like, my dear child. I've always said you had a good heart underneath all the wild. Whatever you want, really, just let me know. No matter what it is to the ends of the earth I'll go. I'll get you all kinds of treasures. Getting you your heart's desire will definitely be my pleasure.

Kristiana: Santa, you've annoyed and disgusted me with your hypocrisy. I wish the childhood image of you is the one I could see. But no, it's been replaced with images of your ass. You want to give me presents now, but I will pass. There's only one thing I want and it's for you to just handle your primary business. And with that I will say Merry F***ing Christmas. Santa you have acted so foolish, That I think I just might switch to being Jewish... © All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett