Blockage

She gazed at him, catching glimpses of renegade tenderness
That seeped through his habitual bland-faced pleasantness
Like rays of sunshine through blinds
Seriously and sincerely, he spoke to her about nothing
Politics and work issues (just more politics) and the routine of his day
She tossed him soft little questions that he could easily swallow and
regurgitate answers from
Knowing that if she attempted to dish out meatier inquiries
The answers would stay purposefully lodged in his throat
He would choke on them before he let them out
So, silky, sharp silence would be the answer
There was no defense against that silence,
His weapon of choice that wielded its own justification
What word, or combination of words, were a match against such cold steel?
So she swallowed heavy language and thoughts and feelings
Swallowed them whole
Choked them down
And held all of the syrupy and salty confidences she wanted to share,and her desire for reciprocity, deep in her intestines
Constipation of the soul…
She learned to be satisfied with little in defense
His absence even when he was there
Carefully maintained distance
So as not to be devoured by her need, or his own
His willful passivity
And disinterested frigidity
Until
Her bloated belly began to look like a beginning
The size and shape and weight of it waiting to burst forth
Like the birth of something beautiful
But when the time came,
In a frightening rush only a plentiful pile of shit topped with bitter bile was the result...© All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett

Treacherous Terrain

Meandering through the multifarious territory of her heart
She came across fragmented memories of abandoned friends,forgotten lovers, disregarded acquaintances and treasured enemies
She observed the frozen tundra of regret
Viscous puddles of lasciviousness
Mammoth mountains of wasted potential
And carefully cut swathes of humiliation and demoralization that reached the epicenter of her being
She worked so diligently to avoid the perils of the journey that the very force of her resistance worked against her
The more she tried to skirt the evidence of the consequences of her unfortunate choices
The more she was drawn into the pitfalls of her reality
She realized that God had not made the same traps out of the months and years, but progressively more intricate ones
That left her furiously enervated
And hopelessly motivated
To discover the reason for her being both
less and more than what she was...© All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett

Caught

The hopeless victim of my own failed ambitions
I am oppressed by the weight of an uncertain future
Caught in a Byzantine web of opinions and expectations
I am in knots
The measure of my self worth
Encased in those ties that bind me so closely
I cannot measure up
That's what they tell me
And I hear them down in the deepest part of my soul

Pummeled and crushed by all of the opportunities that have passed
Unable to allow a path for those that will come
I languish
Pursuing only what I know I can do
Smiling, to please them
Experiencing what limited happiness is available in my tangled shroud
I laugh
As I am being smothered to death © All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett