Closely Distant

Beat down daily by deficiencies and mistakes 
Reminded of the endings that are to come 
Calculating the risks and the stakes 
Caught in a game that's zero sum 

Dancing mentally in a lover's waltz 
Spinning and whirling so beautifully out of control 
Tripped up by the pointed barbs of our faults 
We skirt the edges of the chasms of our souls 

Words spoken and unspoken, a heavy, bruising weight 
Keep us from transcendent bliss 
Instead, crush us into a flat, brittle state 
And hang us over the frightening emptiness of an abyss 

Adamantine, you are cushioned and enveloped by me 
As you lie on me and inside 
For a few ecstatic moments you set me free 
For a few moments I have no desire to hide 

Tobacco and mint flavor your tongue 
And hungrily I lick and taste 
As all of your essence is wrung 
And we lie pleasantly interlaced 

But even connected we are still far apart 
As those secret fears, insecurities and unasked questions intervene 
And so we cut to pieces our own hearts 
As we hide behind our cowardly, loving miens… 
© All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett

Monster in the Mirror

Silence 
The debris of accumulated emotional garbage scattered around 
Unseen 
But felt in the core 
A heaviness in the chest 
A roiling in the abdomen 
Emptiness in the head 
The buildup of rage 
Ate away at my control like acid
 Until it snapped 
My voice, deep and hoarse and roaring, sounding like someone else's 
Spewed all of the poison of my innermost soul 
And I watched it make its insidious way into his psyche 
Until it reflected on his face 
Ugly, naked pain 
The savagery of my joy transformed me
For one hot, meretricious moment 
Made it worthwhile 
I was no longer his whipping boy 
No longer his emotional prisoner 
No longer his devoted victim 
I was the monster he painted me to be 
Striking and drubbing with heavy wood and heavier words 
He hates me, he said 
Well, I dislike him 
Almost as much as I love him 
And resent him 
And yearn for him 
And want to nurture him 
And pity him 
That gossamer thread that binds us so tightly in unholy confederation 
Looser now 
But still there 
Always there 
Despite the illusion of a schism 
Passionately we love and hate the parts of ourselves we see reflected in the other 
With cowardice we accept the parts we have given to each other as we act out this unoriginal tragedy 
Lusus naturae both
Lusus naturae with bleeding hearts 
Tortured souls 
And minds twisted and tangled into the traps 
That we use to hurt the ones closest to us 
And ourselves...
Always ourselves... 
 © All Textual Rights Reserved by Kristiana Bennett