I once had a beautiful baby boy
I’d hear duty’s call through his cries that pierced through my soul
And climbing out of the dark pool of exhaustion every time, I’d go
To offer a breast, a relieving back pat, a soothing song
He slept in a bassinet next to my bed
And I’d marvel at him, as I touched his head
And watched him breathe
In time, I had a toddler
Who lurched like a sailor across, to him, miles of floors
Whose chubby, sweet cheeks I absolutely adored
Delighted when he discovered his teeth were weapons
Casually employing them in confident advantage against perceived threats
Wide-eyed, but undaunted, at the resulting shouts and chastisements
In keeping with his lack of fear
At 1 ½ he jumped into a pond to swim with startled ducks
Laughing joyfully, as I jumped headlong into the muck
To fish him out as I tried to recover from a near heart attack
When that toddler learned to run
He got into everything
Escaping from me in a rapid, unsteady gait
Laughing at the chaos he’d create
As I’d throw up my hands in defeat
Time passed, and I had a precocious pre-schooler
Mesmerized by Caillou, Spongebob, and Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends
As well as Clifford the Big Red Dog, and The Backyardigans
Reading and writing by 3 and 4
Tormenting Aravis the cat
Running around our complex with me shooting each other with nerf dart guns
Bubble blowing and writing on sidewalks with chalk in the sun
Throwing temper tantrums when he missed a goal in youth soccer league
Or when his master tried to teach him discipline in Taekwondo
He gleefully drove a red Power Wheels jeep
And in his own bed, rarely would sleep
Keeping his exhausted mother on her toes
In a blink of an eye, kindergarten was upon us
Faster the time seemed to go
He came to me wanting to learn to play the piano
And recitals became the norm
His intellect, becoming ever sharper, inclined him to Chess
And winning was the only option, he would not accept less
As he honed his strategic and reasoning skills
I remember playing the “I Love You More Than” game
Each of us using grandiose examples to convey the magnitude of our affection
Until finally, after I explained that love cannot be measured
He crafted a trap, in that mischievous tone I treasured
Asking “Do you love me more than God mommy?”
And when I replied that you cannot love anyone or anything more than God
He got me by asking “If love can’t be measured, how do you know?”
Leaving his bemused mother speechless, no good answer to follow
As we both laughed at his cleverness
How he delighted in increasing his smarts
Delighted in outmaneuvering and learning the art
Of keeping his parents guessing
Elementary years careened by at breakneck speed
Learning archery, magic, and how to ride a bike
Books he loved, forts he helped build, and girls he liked
Fishing at Lake Crabtree, watching Ben10
Collecting Bakugan, reading Percy Jackson, swimming at the Y
Taking leisurely walks and making jokes about people who’d walk by
We would play Super Mario on Nintendo Wii
Screaming like maniacs when we defeated Bowser
He would walk our dogs and bring me back flowers
Waking me abruptly with his night terrors
He would crawl between my sheets
Eventually falling asleep in my arms
And I promised myself I’d always keep him from harm
Although I knew it wasn’t really possible
By middle school, he was taller than me
Into dragons, a girl named Maikaya, basketball, computers and rap
He liked to act grown, but still some days would come lay in my lap
And allow me to pretend he was still just my sweet baby
No more piano, soccer, or fishing, it became about friends, computer hacking and basketball camp
Texting, IMing, coding, up downs, free throws,and dealing with muscle cramps
He no longer viewed me as the authority
Rambunctious, hard-headed and full of swag
I ended up sending him to live with his dad
So his father could keep him on the right track
Before I knew it, he was a teen
Handsome, Intelligent, outspoken, funny and vain
After any length of time together, he would drive me insane
But I still loved spending time with him despite it all
Whizzing through the streets of New York on bikes, or walking the streets of San Francisco
Whitewater rafting in the mountains or driving to the beach in Wilmington, we had fun no matter where we’d go
Even if the fun times didn’t always last
He was proud to show me his Lexus, his very first car
And confessed to me he felt he was destined to be a star
When we would have one of our heart to heart talks
I was there with him when he signed his first lease
I was there when he had run ins with the police
Praying to God to help him through
But I knew in my heart we'd only have him for a short time on loan
I knew that at some point, God would take my wild boy, leaving us alone
To reflect on what was and what could have been
I am grateful for the blessing, that was my precious boy
I am grateful for all the many heart aches, and for all the little joys
That came along with being his mom
He helped shape me into the the person that I have become
He helped to make me stronger, so I never will succumb
To the sadness derived from the loss of his physical presence
I will always miss him, till the day that I, too, die
But this is only “See you later” this is not a true “Goodbye”
Because I know in my heart we will be together again
May God Bess and Keep You DD
© All Textual Rights Reserved By Kristiana Bennett
Friday, October 04, 2019
How Much Do I Love Him?
How much do I love him?
Enough not to call it love
A simple four-letter word won't do
More than affection
Superseding lust
Much more than the word "adore" can even begin to capture
I'd wrestle down the sun midway between the horizon
To daily give him light
Mankind is conscious of only 7 wordly wonders
My love for him awakening the 8th
Man's monuments pale in comparison
To the monumental joy my heart creates from loving him
I'd suffer, sorrow and sacrifice
Anything, everything
So that he might never again feel pain
Without him, nothing is beautiful
The sun, a mere star
Music, nothing but drawn out words over noise
Roses, nothing but colorful weeds
How much do I love him?